Faster, Dizzy Blonde! Faster
by aligater
Summary: Sequel to “Dizzy Blonde! Go, go, Go.” McKay is back, and Carter’ll die before letting him near the Stargate!


"Faster, Dizzy Blonde! Faster"  
  
By aligater  
  
Email Author: aligater@online.ie  
  
Spoilers: 48 hours, Redemption pt 1 & 2  
  
Summary: Sequel to "Dizzy Blonde! Go, go, Go." McKay is back, and Carter'll die before letting him near the Stargate!  
  
Category: Drabble, humour, missing scene.  
  
Season: Missing scene from 'Redemption pt2' just before they try the EM pulse  
  
Pairings: McKay likes Carter, she hates him. That's the long and the short of it. Sort of  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Warnings: a little language, slight violence, some cuts and bruises.um I wrote it?  
  
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM/UA, Showtime/Viacom, SCI-FI Channel, Gekko, Double Secret Productions etc. and all the powers that be, not me (my ego had died down enough for me to admit this). I have quoted/ made reference to 'The Simpsons', 'James Bond', 'The Wizard of Oz' and 'Startrek' whom I don't own either. No copyright infringement intended. This story is written for fan entertainment only and no money has exchanged hands. The story and original characters are the property of the author and may not be posted anywhere without the authors consent.  
  
Written: 03 June 2003- 06 August 2003 (sorry it took so long, but computer viruses seem to like the taste of my fanfictions)  
  
Dedication and thanks: This one is for Kitty, Spider Boy and "Mr. Spain" my McKay inspiration [grins evilly] and as always, thanking Deepdale whose brain must be rotting from beta'ing all this drabble (and for helping with the ending). And a BIG thank you to all who read and gave feedback on "Dizzy Blonde! Go, go, Go." As well as Gipsy who provided some witty lines (I traded all mine in for chocolate as the super-helpful RVD and Ron Weasley will agree).  
  
Author's note: I didn't want to do a sequel but I was bullied into it (yes really, moi. I know, tragical). I might do another, but only if I get feedback. I'm not sure whether or not I should do "Dizzy Blonde! Buy 1 get 1 Free." (there are plot lines including. alcohol, you see). So feed me!!! :)  
  
___________________________  
  
"Hello gorgeous!"  
  
"Dammit!"  
  
Major Carter had hoped that the tiny vermin-man would have busied himself trying to work out which level the gate room was on. If he actually knew where to go, he might be able to use his damn EM pulse and they could finish Anubis's job early. Instead, he comes to her lab to gloat about General Hammond choosing his judgement over her own and blowing up the SGC in the process. The destruction of the SCG would be a perfect opportunity for Sam to say 'I told you so' if only she wouldn't be dead first. Irony really sucks.  
  
"Whatcha doin'?" asked McKay in a purposely irritating tone, and, as if that wasn't bad enough, pulled up a stool and took a seat next to the Major, looking over her shoulder at the computer screen.  
  
"Playing soccer," replied Carter shortly.  
  
"Ha, funny. No really?" McKay pushed.  
  
"I'm trying to imagine you with a personality," spat Sam.  
  
"Ooh, these grapes are sour. Wrong side of the bed?" he taunted.  
  
"Nothing you'll ever see," Carter replied nonchalantly before realising what she'd just said and immediately regretting it.  
  
McKay smirked, seeing the Major try to hide her blushing. "Well I wasn't suggesting I did, but if you insist-,"  
  
"You know, I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth," interrupted Carter.  
  
"Well if it makes you feel any better, I visualise things over your mouth too," the Doctor replied with a grin.  
  
Sam bit her lip in frustration while still pretending to be half-ignoring him. "Hmm. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying."  
  
"Really, you could try being a little nicer," McKay changed the subject, his voice a little more persistent now. "I am trying to do you people a favour."  
  
"Just like you were 'doing us a favour' the last time you were here when you nearly got my friend killed?" demanded Sam, unintentionally allowing her line of sight to move to the annoyance beside her.  
  
"Is *that* what this is about? You're still pissed over that? Teal'c is fine."  
  
"And as I remember it, you said he was good as dead and ran out on us when we tried to save him." she said coldly.  
  
"Ran out on you? You make it sound like something off a bad daytime soap opera," said McKay.  
  
"Better than my life," sighed Carter in an attempt to control her rage.  
  
"For once, I'm not arguing that," said McKay. "What *do* you do all day? Listen to Naqahdriah boy talk about enchanted spaceships? I thought you couldn't be any more pitiable, and now I hear that you spend most of your time with that extraterrestrial nerd?"  
  
"Yeah, you know you're right," replied Sam. "If people see me associating with *him* it might ruin my reputation as an malevolent bitch. I should REALLY start hanging around with more narcissistic people. Could I borrow your address book for a minute?"  
  
"Oh, that hurts," said McKay sarcastically, an ironic pout on his face.  
  
"Nowhere near as much as I wish it did," she mumbled in return.  
  
"So," he began, smugly. "You're looking for a repeat of last year's scuffle? Well, sorry to disappoint, but I've made it a rule not to slaughter the weak and defenceless," he said arrogantly, and crossed his arms across his chest.  
  
"Yes, that and your medical insurance doesn't cover accidents caused by tripping over your own shoelaces," said Sam, a look of sarcastic pity adorning her features. "Cat got your tongue?" she said after a period of silence, casually returning her attention to the computer.  
  
"Jealous?" was all McKay could think to say as he left his seat and began to inspect the Major's office.  
  
Sam sniggered. "Not in this dimension. And speaking of which, why don't you go back to the one you came from? You know, with all the fire, and brimstone, and guys in red pyjamas."  
  
"I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid," he shot in retort.  
  
"You mean before the transition to childish and retarded?" Sam came back with just as quickly. She fought the urge to laugh. She'd had no idea that such rubbish could come out of her mouth. She must have been spending too much time with the Colonel because that wasn't even funny and here she was struggling to keep her composure. It seemed to have done the trick though. The source of her severe headache appeared to be showing signs of leaving. BUT, the universe wasn't going to let her get off that easy, no, you'd think five years of working with Jack O'Neill would have taught her that wouldn't you?  
  
"Funny. You really are dedicated to flaunting your sense of humour. Especially for someone who does *this* kind of work." He held up a device that Sam remembered from P4Y-980. It had been a metal object that lacked markings of any kind so was declared a Carter artefact rather than one for whatever fill-in geek Hammond had left them to babysit at the time.  
  
Sam stepped away from the computer chair she had been sitting on. "What do you mean by '*this* kind of work'? And put that down."  
  
McKay held onto the gadget, choosing to ignore her earlier statement, and replied "Nothing really.just that you toil in scientific obscurity."  
  
"So you learnt a word with *more* than two syllables. Wow, I'm impressed," she teased.  
  
"Oh you'd be surprised the extent of my vocabulary. I actually know words that have something TO DO with science."  
  
"Yes and I'm sure someone will believe you about that one day," Carter started as she moved closer to the pest on the other side of her lab. "Put that down before you break it."  
  
"I'm not going to break anything," he insisted.  
  
"Alright, let me rephrase that. Put that down before *I* break something of yours."  
  
"Some threat," he ridiculed.  
  
"Isn't it?" Sam replied.  
  
"You wouldn't," he said uncertainly.  
  
"Wouldn't I?" she responded coolly, looking straight at the man who swallowed hard before replacing the device on Sam's desk.  
  
"Good. Now get the hell out of my office before I call security and have you thrown through an incoming wormhole," she barked  
  
"Now *that* I know is an idle threat. And anyway, where's the fun in that? I think I'd much rather stay up here with you than go watch some brainless airmen unload a generator."  
  
"And I'd much rather you jumped off a cliff, we can't all have our way," Sam snapped at him. "Now leave." Upon saying this, Sam sat back down at the computer, and didn't look up, clearly showing that she wished to have nothing more to do with the moron.  
  
McKay took a moment to examine the woman in front of him. He had no intention of leaving until he got what he came for (though his priorities seemed to have been changing rapidly since his arrival). Samantha Carter: wow. That stunning blonde hair was all he could think about some nights, albeit it wasn't her hair exactly that invaded his mind *most* nights. She could be a brunette and it wouldn't take away from the appeal, which that gorgeous body had. It was such a shame that the military insisted on their minions wearing such loose fitting clothing, though, he had seen her wearing things.slightly more. snug before. He made a mental note to find some time to persuade the powers that be to make tank tops standard uniform.  
  
Only for the female officers though. McKay cringed as images of Colonel O'Neill wearing one of those invaded his mind. Ooh, that one would haunt him for weeks.hey bingo, Colonel O'Neill!  
  
It was well know commissary gossip that the Colonel and his 2IC were more than just colleagues. In fact, most SGC personnel who'd seen them alone together for more than five minutes (not wanting to be left out of the fun) had sworn they were much more than just friends. Personally, McKay couldn't see what they were on about (though he had a few theories as to what they were *on*), but personal experience had taught that Colonel O'Neill was this woman's weak spot. Excellent.  
  
"So.how's Colonel O'Neill?" McKay questioned.  
  
"What? You're still here? Was English not on the list of requirements for this job?"  
  
"I hope not because all that comes out of your mouth is bull sh-," McKay stopped himself before Major Carter felt the sudden need to carry out one of her earlier threats. "So tell me."  
  
"Tell you what.?" Sam said this as if she were talking to an eight-year- old.  
  
"About Colonel O'Neill?"  
  
Why.?"  
  
"Humour me."  
  
"Gemini on the cusp of Cancerian. Well I'm glad we had this chat. Bye!" Sam rolled her eyes dramatically and hoped in vain, that he might actually go this time.  
  
"That is not what I meant."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"You know EXACTLY what I meant," he replied heatedly.  
  
"No. I never learnt to speak crazy person babble."  
  
"Could've fooled me," he sighed. It was clear that this was going absolutely nowhere.  
  
"But." Sam began cryptically.  
  
"But?" the Doctor replied.  
  
".Well, the Colonel's got some pretty important friends. I'm sure if you don't like your assignment in Russia, he could always get you somewhere like.oh I dunno, Antarctica? We have a base down there you know, I'm sure the food's much better there than in 'Russia'." Carter was smiling like the cat that got the cream.  
  
McKay looked away from the object he had picked up. "Well, I appreciate the suggestion, but I've always though of Spain as the more romantic getaway. but whatever works for you!"  
  
Sam was almost sure her jaw was hanging open and McKay knew it too. He had the biggest grin plastered all over his face, but she didn't notice. All that was on her mind was how to get the irksome little man out of her office. And as soon as damn possible.  
  
"Okay, I'm gonna say this once, and then I'm going to get violent. Get out of my office, get out of my life and if you come back again, I'll have you on the organ-donor list. Do I make myself clear?" The look on Sam's face showed without a doubt that she wasn't bluffing. To defy that order would be like playing with fire.  
  
"Crystal"  
  
Unfortunately, some people don't know the difference between fire, and a 5- watt bulb.  
  
"Good," she said, her voice showing no emotion. "Now get out of here and go blow up the SGC."  
  
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "Lets get one thing straight." To Sam's surprise, McKay walked right up to her. "That's *your* job." then whispered into her ear "I just fill in on weekends."  
  
Much to the disgust of the Major, as McKay finished speaking, he allowed his lips to move from her ear, down to her cheek. It lingered there for less than a second before Carter jerked backwards out of his range. He saw her face, eyes closed with revulsion, an expression of pure hate, wishing he'd just have left. Mission accomplished.  
  
Sam couldn't have felt more sickened by what had just happened if she had been stabbed afterwards. Actually, that would probably have been preferable. As she listened to him backing out of her office, she just KNEW he'd be wearing the widest grin imaginable. She opened her eyes to see him turn around and walk towards the door. A thought struck Sam. 'Damn'  
  
After last year's not-so-broken-jaw incident, she got lucky with McKay being sent Russia, if she didn't keep her cool, she might be the one supervising the construction of Naquadah generators. 'Crap, I just KNOW I'm going to regret this later.'  
  
Without any further reflection, she picked up the device from P4Y-980 and, pausing one last time to mourn over her almost-over career, hurled the object straight at the man, hitting him right in the back of the head. Yes!  
  
"Ow! Son of a.!!!!"  
  
McKay turned around to see Major Carter and the thousand pieces of metal that used to be an alien gizmo.  
  
"Why on God's toxically polluted earth did you do that? I'll be vomiting brain cells for a week!"  
  
To say that he was annoyed would have been an understatement of the unforgivable kind. To say extremely pissed would come considerably closer.  
  
"You won't," she assured him. "For that you'd need brain cells to begin with."  
  
McKay said nothing. For a moment, he just stood still. Then began to make his way over to the power box and, before Carter could stop him, "fell" on it in such a way, that he knocked out *something* vital to the Major's power. Everything, including lights, switched off, leaving only her laptop, which created a dim glow in the room.  
  
"Ooops."  
  
Though they were standing in the dark, Sam could tell that McKay was beyond pleased with himself.  
  
"What did you just do?!" she demanded. Extremely pissed didn't come close.  
  
When she got no reply, she tried to get over to the door and tripped over.something. Before she knew it, he was standing over her, his had out, offering her help up. Instinctively, she took it.  
  
And tripped him up, landing him on the floor next to her. Pinning him down, she began to question him aggressively. Déjà vu.  
  
"Idiot! What were you playing at?! You could have damaged ANY of the equipment in here! -,"  
  
"Hey! As I recall, *I* wasn't the only one doing the damage! Or was your little machine just a prop from Startrek?"  
  
This was a really bad time for Sam's laptop to start beeping, indicating that the battery had decided it wasn't going to work for much longer. McKay used this distraction to wriggle from the Major's grip and get to his feet again.  
  
"So- aghh!" He never finished his sentence, as he found himself avoiding Carter's fists. In the dim light, it was difficult to see where he was going, or what he was walking into or how many tools he broke when he hit Sam's table, but he'd bet Carter wouldn't be a happy bunny when she got the lights back on. He missed tripping over a toolbox, saving himself a concussion, but unfortunately, his back wasn't so lucky, as it found itself colliding with a wall, round about the same time Major Carter took a liking to strangling him.  
  
"Listen," Sam began slowly. "You don't know a thing about the Stargate. You don't know about its possibilities or what it represents to Earth's future. You've never been through it; you don't know what it feels like to be out there and know you're doing good. You haven't seen the things I've seen and you don't know the things I know. You couldn't. And if you think that, just because the powers that be say you should be here, that that makes you a better scientist than me, then you're damn wrong."  
  
Sam let go of the mystified scientist and backed off. He looked at her for a moment, a little taken aback, before turning and leaving the room.  
  
Carter sighed and sat down. She ran her fingers through her hair as she had done so often when stressed.  
  
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." Sam looked up to see the Colonel standing in the doorway, staring into the dark room. "Watcha up to Carter, or do you usually like to work in the dark?"  
  
Sam stood up. "Err, no sir. The, emm.lights went out."  
  
"Yeah, I got that bit. The nice people who monitor the cameras weren't too happy about it."  
  
"So they sent you to fix it?" Sam said automatically.  
  
"Yes, well contrary to popular thinking, I *do* have the ability to change a light bulb. It's great that you have so much faith in my abilities."  
  
"Sorry sir," Sam grovelled. "I didn't mean."  
  
"Sure you didn't, Major." Jack smiled. The laptop beeped again and the screen went blank.  
  
"Crap!" the Major swore, rushing over to the machine. "Oh great. Battery's dead."  
  
"Can't you just." he made a strange flicking gesture with his hands ".*get* the files back?"  
  
"Maybe. though it'll require looking through half the SGC's information!"  
  
"Then all is not lost. So what's with the lack of light?"  
  
"Uh, the power box sort of."  
  
"Ah, leave it to me!" Jack walked over to the power box and inspected it. He took a minute and then spoke. "I think I know the problem. There's only one way to fix it. But watch out, this might not work."  
  
"Sir are you sure it's-," Jack flipped the switch into the 'on' position and everything went back to how it was pre-McKay.  
  
"Let there be light!" O'Neill joked. "What happened here anyway?"  
  
"Uh, well I was."  
  
"Was McKay here?" he asked, catching the Major unaware.  
  
"What? Oh, yes, he left just a minute ago-,"  
  
"S'cuse me," Jack said, leaving the lab. Major Carter followed, bewildered by her CO's behaviour. Turned out, the doctor hadn't strayed far from Sam's lab. Jack caught sight of him at the end of the corridor.  
  
"Hey, geek!" the Colonel marched up to him. "Shouldn't you be doing something useful? It may just be a rumour, but I've heard the Gate's going to explode sometime soon. Couldn't help us out with that could you?"  
  
McKay gave the Colonel that same cocky look he's been wearing earlier. "Right, well, as much as I'd like to see the Earth not destroyed, I have to wait for my equipment to be unloaded in the Gate room. Maybe you could help? This place seems to have a use for large, heavy objects. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go. Saving the world and all that."  
  
Without another word, McKay made to leave. He didn't see O'Neill discreetly sticking his foot out or the two people coming round the corner.  
  
"I understand, Colonel Chekov, but-,"  
  
SMACK!  
  
"OUCH!"  
  
General Hammond looked down to see Doctor McKay lying at his feet. McKay looked up to see a surprised Russian Colonel and a rather annoyed General Hammond.  
  
"It seems General, that your officers would need to learn, how to hold their drink," Colonel Chekov said, obviously amused by the doctor.  
  
"He's not one of my officers," Hammond replied. ".luckily."  
  
"I'm sorry," McKay said, stumbling to his feet. "Err, sorry, it won't happen again, I- I tripped-,"  
  
"I'm sure you did, son," interrupted Hammond. "Shouldn't you be in the Gate room? I believe you need to supervise the goings on for your EM generator" McKay turned pink. "Yes General, I was just going there now. Sorry." He rushed off to the amusement of the officers.  
  
"I apologise, Colonel," Hammond said.  
  
"Sirs," Jack nodded at the two officers as they passed.  
  
"Colonel."  
  
They turned at the end of the corridor and Jack turned to Sam a wide grin across his face. Sam couldn't stop herself grinning back and, without realising it, the two shared a smile for a few moments.  
  
Score two for the Dizzy Blonde. 


End file.
